ousteT's Rants and Raves.

10:42 pm - Attention Toeldo Club goers...

Frankie's is back!

http://www.frankiesinnercity.com/

Look them up. First time there was this weekend. Had a blast. You will too when you go.

Current Mood: giggly

11:55 am - Vasectomy: $400. Speechless look on her face: priceless.

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http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sea/274495936.html

Date: 2007-02-06, 2:24PM PST


I'll try to sum up a funny story that happened a few years ago:

I got a vasectomy.

I met a girl soon afterwards. She was nice and attractive but with a selfish streak that raised a big red flag. She was 32 at the time and I could practically HEAR her biological clock ticking. Regardless, she was a good lay, easy on the eyes, and reasonably good company.

I did NOT tell her about my vasectomy and I always used a condom with her to protect against STDs. She assumed, obviously, that the condom was only used for birth control. Silly girl.

We date for a few months. I never made any move towards commitment but she brought it up ocassionally. For me, this was a casual but pleasant relationship. For her - as I was to find out - it was part of life-changing series of events that she was planning very carefully.

Four months into dating, I get the "I'm pregnant" talk. She's going on and on about how the condom must have broke and now we really need to think about getting married "for the baby". She's positively giddy. She has a baby in her and she thinks she's gonna have a good meal ticket (me) to go along with her new 7lb annuity.

At this point, I'm just as giddy. I get to pull the reverse "oops" on her. I figured that she slept with some bad boy and got knocked up. Good thing I was using condoms! Better still that I have a serious mistrust of women who can't think beyond their own uteri.

So I wait a couple of days to "think about all this." I meet her again. I say I don't want kids and that she should have an abortion. I know where this is going and sure enough it goes there. She goes completely batshit insane on me. There were the usual insults about my manhood. There were threats of legal action. It was all very ugly and I was loving every minute of it.

Well, I let her stew for a few days. She leaves me nasty messages on my phone. She sends awful emails. I'm laughing hysterically.

It was time to drop the hammer. While she was stewing I was busy. First I get a notarized copy from the urologist who performed the vasectomy. Next I get a notarized copy of the TWO test results indicating a "negative test result for sperm" to show I'm sterile and shooting blanks. Finally, I get a letter from a shark attorney stating he has seen the other documents and is prepared to litigate against this woman if she continues to communicate with me in such an unpleasant manner. Also, the letter states that we will insist on DNA testing to show that the baby is not mine. I'm ready.

I meet with this woman at her place. I bring flowers and a small bit of jewelry to show I am willing to reconcile and assume my responsibilities as a new father. I also have stuck in my pocket the documents I have prepared.

She's all giddy again. Her plan is going perfectly - or so she thinks. We talk about our future. We have some pretty good sex. Then, as I am about to walk out the door, I ask her the $64,000 question. "Are you sure that this baby is mine?"

Well, she goes batshit insane again. Hell, she ought to. Her plan could completely unravel if there is ANY question about my paternity. Oh, she's really screaming now. How dare I question her morals. Do I think she's a slut. I'm just trying to weasel out of my responsibilities... blah, blah, blah, yadda, yadda, yadda.

I'm not really mad. I'm kind of embarrassed for her. But since she won't shut up and the neighbors can hear all of this, I ask her to step back inside and sit down. She sits on the sofa and calms down a bit. She is glaring at me with all the moral self-righteousness that only a woman can muster up. She thinks she has me trapped. She is 100% convinced her plan has worked. Oh, the tangled web of lies and deceit she has wrought around herself and I am about to hack through them with a few pieces of paper.

I reach into my pocket slowly. I extract the three pieces of paper and unfold them slowly and deliberately.

I tell her simply, "You're screwed".

Her look doesn't change. There is no way she can fathom what I have prepared.

I continue. "I am sterile"

Her look changes just a bit. Something is beginning to sink in. Naturally, she reverts to women's logic. "You're full of shit. You're trapped and you know it."

I hold up the letter and the test results. "Three months before we met, I had a vasectomy. Here is a notarized letter from him stating what I had done. Here are two test results showing that I tested negative for the presence of sperm. Blanks. I am shooting blanks. That baby inside you is simply not mine."

This woman is not to be swayed by logic and clear documentation. "Bullshit, those are fakes."

I was ready for that. "No, they are real. This last piece of paper is from my attorney. It's a simple letter to you that states if you pursue any kind of legal action against me for child support that I will insist on a DNA test to prove paternity, that is, to prove that your baby is not mine."

I give the woman all the documents. She reads them slowly, deliberately. With each passing second she can feel in her soul that she has made a very bad mistake. With denial swept away, she started to cry. It's a small cry at first. Then it becomes deeper and more painful. By the time she gets to the letter from the lawyer she is sobbing.

I had no sympathy for her. I turned and walked out the door. Even after I closed the door I could still hear her sobbing.

Epilogue -

I never heard directly from this woman again. I did hear through my friends that she did indeed have the baby. I also heard that the real father was some guy in a band she had met. I assumed that after 30, women stopped going after musicians, bikers, criminals, and thugs. Silly me for thinking the best of American women.

The Moral of the Story -

Get a vasectomy but keep it a secret.

Current Mood: chipper

09:34 am

Bah. The game was good, but still kind of bummed to see the Bears go down.

At least the halftime show was better then i though. Who would though of anyone, much less Prince, would do a Hendrix song?

Well...off to my theripst now.

Current Mood: contemplative

03:28 pm - Go Bears, Too! Trash Them Colts!

"In the first place, we should insist that if the immigrant who comes here in good faith becomes an American and assimilates himself to us, he shall be treated on an exact equality with everyone else, for it is an outrage to discriminate against any such man because of creed, or birthplace, or origin. But this is predicated upon the person's becoming in every facet an American, and nothing but an American...There can be no divided allegiance here. Any man who says he is an American, but something else also, isn't an American at all. We have room for but one flag, the American flag... We have room for but one language here, and that is the English language... and we have room for but one sole loyalty and that is a loyalty to the American people."

Theodore Roosevelt 1907

'Nuff Said

Current Mood: excited

12:29 pm - Leaked MAC OS X Leopard Screenshots.

http://gizmodo.com/gadgets/software/leaked-screenshots-of-os-x-leopard-terminal-parental-controls-more-231185.php

Enjoy, ya nerds.

Current Mood: full

12:13 pm - Odds and Ends

-Saddam is in hell. All is right with the world...sort of.
Story has it in the Palestinian Media Watch that

A) - Paltestinians are naming a youth soccar tournament for the S.O.B.
B) - The Fatah movement is putting up two memorial stones. One for Saddam. The other is for Yasser Arafat. For what reason? To recognize quote "The immense sacrifice that
the two shahids realized for the sake of their nation. Both went without renouncing
their national principles". Which is....what? Staying in power at all cost?
C) - Libyan leader Gadhafi is also putting a monument to Saddam.

Whats wrong with this picture, people?

-When Democrats are attacked, they counter-strike. When Republicans are attacked, they cry that they are innocent. Ever noticed that?

-We all enter the world knowing nothing. But, by the time were are teens, we know it all. Sometimes its decades later before we know enough to realize how little we know.

-Once from the George Carlin powerbook....Ever notice that nothing else is "Second-Hand"? Except for "Second-Hand" Smoke? Why is nothing phase use that term? And while im at it, why isnt it really called "Pre-Owned" Smoke?

-Civil rights used to be about treating everyone the same. Today, Some people are so used to special treatment that EQUAL treatment is considered to be discrimination.

-Maybe its me, but their doesnt seems to be any tragedy of the human condition where the left is concered. They seem to see the problems of the world as due to other people not being as wise or as noble as themselves.

-Its scary how easy it is these days for loudmouths to turn us against each other.

-I read somewhere that dispite the propaganda of the "Greens", 90% of the USA is undeveolped. If thats true, its werid. Why is that?

-The same people that want us out of Iraq also wants us to "Do Something!" about Darfur. Ok, fine. But guess what? You cant just "Do Something!" anymore. You got to be specific about what to do. You also notice that those that want us there arent saying a word about what to do or taking responsibility for having a plan on what to do....and at what it cost to our fighting men and women's lives.

-You know one form of music i love listening to now because of CD'S? Classical. Thought that format, i can enjoy that music without the antics and rituals of their concerts.

-I hope like no other that Isreal does bomb the hell out of Iran's nuclear plan. Im sure they'll catch holy hell for it, but ya know what? So same people that will bitch about what they did will also breath a sigh of relief that they did.

Current Mood: thoughtful

07:24 am

Go see Mel Gibson's new movie. The sooner the better.

Yes, its bloody. Yes, its brutal. But guess what? Its also a great flick. Trust me on this.

12:15 am

1. Explain what ended your last relationship?
Her Family Moved Away and i wasnt able to keep in touch with her.

2. When was the last time you shaved?
Last Week.

3. What were you doing this morning at 8 a.m.?
Putting Mortal Kombat Arm. to the test.

4. What were you doing 15 minutes ago?
Posting.

5. Are you any good at math?
Sure am.

6. Your prom night?
It was a mixed-bag. Lets leave it at that.

7. Do you have any famous ancestors?
One, but i dont want to get into that right now.

8. Have you had to take a loan out for school?
One and im paying it off as we speak.

9. Do you know the words to the song on your myspace profile?
Dont have a myspace profile, so no.

10. Last thing received in the mail?
Credit Card Ads. Old Fashion Spam.

11. How many different beverages have you had today?
2, Pop and water.

12. Do you ever leave messages on people's answering machine?
Yes

13. Who did you lose your CONCERT virginity to?
Noone....yet.

14. Do you draw your name in the sand when you go to the beach?
In my youth.

15. What's the most painful dental procedure you've had?
Having one of my teeth pulled out. Still hurt like a MF. >.>

16. What is out your back door?
Car Ports.

17. Any plans for Friday night?
*Thinks, Evil Smile* Yeah. I got some.

18. Do you like what the ocean does to your hair?
Never been to the ocean.

19. Have you ever received one of those big tins of 3 different popcorns?
Every Recent X-Mas. >.>

20. Have you ever been to a planetarium?
Once, but i dont remember it exactly.

21. Do you re-use towels after you shower?
Yes.

22. Some things you are excited about?
Metal Music, Great Anime i can buy, Getting on a better connection, getting some of my loans paid off.

23. What is your favorite flavor of JELLO?
Dont have one.

24. Describe your keychain(s).
Dont have one, again.

25. Where do you keep your change?
My Pants pocket or a jar at home.

26. When was the last time you spoke in front of a large group of people?
My 5th high school reunion. Calling out the person that get the event happening and then getting the crowd to cheer for it was a trip.

27. What kind of winter coat do you own?
My Trench coat is the closest to a winter coat i have right now.

28. What was the weather like on your graduation day?
The Temp and the Mercury...Both at 90. >.>

29. Do you sleep with the door to your room open or closed?
Closed, though i leave it open from time to time.

Current Mood: impressed

03:36 pm

Current Mood: mellow

07:25 pm

Dirge of Cerberus was alright, ill give it that. The cut scenes are great, Everything looks good as a whole, and the story is sharp.

On the other hand, The enemy AI isnt smart, the gameplay is bland, you only have 3 guns to play with, You can beat the game in 10 hours, and you can beat the game without a few of the items the game gives you.

Its not great, but its not horrid. I guess im saying that the game could have been bettter. A hell of a lot better.